One (or two) For The Road

It's been a fun couple of weeks for Dr. Bamboo's Mystical Traveling Bar and Road Show. For two consecutive Fridays I've loaded the Bamboo Wagon full of spirits, mixers, barware, ice and other drink-making paraphernalia in order to bring cocktails to the masses. It's a great way to evangelize good drinking and also field test which booze-hauling methods work best (initially documented here.

First up, I had the pleasure of spending a few hours making drinks for the thirsty crowd at Gallerie Chiz. The Pittsburgh Society of Illustrators celebrated the opening night of their cocktail-themed show "Drawing Under the Influence", and the group decided to supplement the usual beverage offerings with freshly-made cocktails. I was helped immeasurably by the efforts of Nathan Lutchansky, Pittsburgh-based spirits expert and proprietor of the PLCB User's Group site, which documents the ever-changing and seemingly logic-free universe of alcohol sales in Pennsylvania. Nathan graciously donated his Friday night to help keep the gallery goers well-lubricated by wielding both his considerable bartending knowledge and his Shaker of Ultimate Power, which is one of the largest pieces of drink-making equipment I've ever laid eyes on. I'd love to get one just like it, but I would have to call it something else, since two Shakers of Ultimate Power existing at the same time just doesn't sound right.

The event was a success, and I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the generous product donations from Hiram Walker and award-winning locally-made vodka Boyd & Blair that made our cocktail menu possible. Speaking of the cocktail menu, here's one of the drinks we served up, created by Pittsburgh Society of Illustrators member Gina Antognoli Scanlon:


Gina's Grapefruitini (as served at the DUI opening)

3 parts Freshly-squeezed grapefruit juice
2 parts Boyd & Blair Vodka
1 part Rosemary simple syrup

Shake well with ice and strain into cocktail glass. Garnish with a small rosemary sprig

Rosemary syrup: Combine one cup water and one cup sugar with two sprigs of rosemary. Heat on stove on low heat until sugar is completely dissolved. Remove rosemary and store in refrigerator until cool.

(if you want a more pronounced rosemary flavor, leave the sprigs to steep in the syrup for at least a half-hour before removing).


The second event was the "Quickie Cocktail Class", which takes place each month at the Pittsburgh Public Market. Chef and local-food enthusiast Elizabeth Schandelmeier Gilgunn invited me to help create and serve an array of cocktails showcasing local ingredients, and as luck would have it, the PPM was celebrating its 1st Birthday, so everyone was feeling festive (which is code for "in a drinkin' mood").

Despite temperatures in the 90's, we soldiered on and delivered cool, rejuvenating cocktails to the attendees. This one was a crowd favorite, and turned out to be an ideal choice for a wickedly hot and humid late Summer afternoon:


Watermelon SMASH

3 oz. Watermelon/lemon balm puree
2 oz. Boyd & Blair Vodka
.5 oz. Mint simple syrup

Shake well with ice and strain into a double old-fashioned glass filed with crushed ice. If you're feeling adventurous, take half a lime, scoop out the pulp, and place round-side down on top of the ice. Fill with a small amount of overproof liquor and light on fire.


Elizabeth offers up the following recipes to make this drink complete:


Watermelon puree:

One lovely baby watermelon, sweet and in season
A bunch of lemon balm or lemon verbena, leaves only

Peel and cut your watermelon into chunks (remove seeds, if you’ve got ‘em. Put watermelon and herbs into a food processor, pulse a few moments and then run on full speed until smooth.


Mint syrup:

1 cup sugar (I use raw)
1 cup water
Big bunch of mint (I used a variety called Kentucky Mint)

Add sugar and water to a big-enough pot and bring to a boil, stir until sugar dissolves. Lower heat to a slow simmer and reduce until desired consistency is achieved (this will depend on what you are doing with the syrup; thinner is better for things like candied fruit rinds, thicker is better for things like sweet cocktails). A thin syrup is ready after 10 minutes or so, a nice thick syrup is achieved after reducing approximately 45 minutes. (Oh yeah, don’t let this stuff burn! Remember, we are not making candy and burnt sugar STICKS!) When your syrup is ready, turn off heat and add your mint. Cool to room temperature. Store in a glass jar in the refrigerator. The longer the herbs sit in the syrup, the stronger the flavor. Strain syrup before using.


For additional drink recipes and info and photos, check out this post over at Elizabeth's site Let's Blog About Food.


Where will the mobile hooch stand turn up next? Only Dr. Bamboo knows for certain.

Tales of the Cocktail: Random Observations

So here it is a few weeks after Tales of the Cocktail. Much as I did two years ago, I find myself sifting through notes and compiling a loose collection of info from the event. It's difficult to do justice to a five-day booze extravaganza with just a few words, but hopefully what I've listed below can help illustrate a small fraction of what takes place. Just like last time, I call this handful of disjointed thoughts...

Random Observations

- If seeing a bunch of people wearing seersucker suits, vividly-colored bowties and brimmed hats with deadly seriousness unnerves you, then Tales of the Cocktail may not be the event for you.

- My advice to anyone attempting to schedule a meeting with anyone for a specific place and time during Tales is to scrap that idea immediately. Just sit in the lobby of the Monteleone for a bit, and whoever you want to see will eventually walk by (Okay, they might be staggering or crawling, but you'll see them nonetheless).

- While we're talking about the Monteleone lobby, do not be surprised if while you're there someone produces a full, sealed bottle of booze from a backpack or purse and gives it to someone else. In most cases, the person offering up the bottle is a brand rep, and the other person is someone who happened to mention they liked the particular brand the rep works for. I tell everyone I like everything, just to be on the safe side.

- However, if you see someone produce a half-full bottle from their backpack or purse, it's harder to determine where it originally came from. But they'll likely share it with you, so go strike up a conversation.

- It's been said before, but it bears repeating: The people in the Cocktail Apprentice Program are a truly vital component of Tales and need to be recognized for their efforts. They work like crazy, get little rest, and generally grind themselves to a nub so we all can enjoy nifty drinks throughout the event. Big thanks go out to all of them.

- Speaking of the CAP folks, I was lucky enough to get a brief guided tour of one of the "backstage" areas where they prepare the drinks. I don't think you can grasp the scope of what they're doing until you see a floor-to-ceiling wall of lemon crates. I wish I could have hung around, because I'm pretty sure later on Jackie Chan crashed through it.

- Telling someone in New Orleans you're a vegetarian will get you the same reaction as telling someone in Pittsburgh you don't care about football.

- Whoever put a Walgreen's a half-block away from the Monteleone has my deepest gratitude. I know New Orleans is famous for its world-class restaurants, but Clif bars and Gatorade from the big W are what kept my engine running most days. Plus, the people-watching there is sublime.

- Thanks to branded keycards, every time I unlocked my hotel room I thought about gin. Actually, it had nothing to do with keycards...I just think about gin a lot.

- You know some serious cocktailing is taking place when a local remarks he can't understand how so many people can be drinking hard liquor at ten in the morning,

- Someone described all those unorthodox drink-making techniques involving iSi whippers, sous vide, liquid nitrogen, lasers, etc., as the "'Gee whiz!' school of bartending." That is now my favorite bit of cocktail terminology.

- Seeing the look on people's faces who are trying to board the Monteleone elevators on any floor other than the lobby or the roof is priceless.

- I ate a crappy meal at a crappy sports bar purely because I was in a hurry and it was convenient. But they had beer, so it was still kinda worth it.

- If you enjoy hearing two different bar bands playing two different classic rock covers at arena-level volume 20 feet away from each other, then the French Quarter is your kind of place.

- I don't know what the current homicide rate in New Orleans is, but I'm fairly certain a few of the murders last month were committed by Monteleone staff trying to get from point A to point B around tipsy, oblivious Tales attendees clogging the high-traffic areas.

- Whoever says that Bourbon Street has the highest concentration of boisterous drunks in town has never been to the Spirited Awards ceremony.

- Security measures at the swag room continue to be top-notch. I thought the retinal scanner was a nice touch.

-Craft distillers like to talk about their products and how they make them. A lot. On the off chance you're feeling lonely at Tales, find someone who works at a small distillery and ask them how their product differs from other similar products.

- Apparently, attending Tales of the Cocktail without a smartphone is equivalent to attending a Phish concert without weed...you can still enjoy the show, but everyone will look at you with a mixture of pity and suspicion.

- Liquor companies continue to shell out absurd amounts of money to promote themselves at Tales of the Cocktail. I know there are no easy solutions to the US debt crisis, but I think one approach could involve telling multinational spirit brands that they can use Montana as "The World's Biggest Tasting Room" and watch the cash roll in.

- If you blew up the Monteleone during Tales of the Cocktail, 97% of the world's moustache wax supply would instantly disappear.

- I saw two guys almost come to blows debating the merits of the seamed vs. seamless Yarai mixing glass.

- Watching someone start their morning with a brisk treadmill session in the hotel gym is inspiring. It inspired me to hit the pool and grab a drink.

- Holding a tasting session for a very popular liquor brand in the smallest room in the hotel goes from "intimate and convivial" to "potentially fatal mosh pit" rather quickly.

- Media access was severely restricted this year, which resulted in many fine cocktail writers being noticeably absent. I don't know if this was intentional or simply an oversight, but let's hope the situation improves next year and we can look forward to a greater volume and variety of coverage.

- Judging from the faces and sounds they were making, I can only assume that for many people, consuming oysters is analogous to a sex act. (Note: this also applies to oyster po' boys.)

- Speaking of sex acts, adult film icon Ron Jeremy was in town promoting his namesake rum. I actually got to see him late one night in my hotel on the TV in my room.

- People are still obsessed with ice. Round ice, clear ice, Martian volcano ice, you name it.

- Someone created vodka that tastes like cupcakes. Which reminds of the saying, "Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should."

- There's always room for one more gin & tonic.

Tales of the Cocktail: Barrel-Aged Cocktails...Patience, Grasshopper!

Why dump a perfectly good cocktail like a Negroni or Manhattan into a wood barrel for a couple of months?

1) It’s fun in an old-world mad-scientist kinda way.
2) It may make your cocktail luxuriously smooth and even add a bit of wood character.

For over an hour, Jeffrey Morgenthaler, Gable Erenzo and Naren Young hit the highlights of this relatively new approach (with roots in older practices) to fiddling with cocktails. Booze nerds like these guys are always on the hunt for ways to improve your drinking experience, and barrel-aging cocktails is one of the latest methods that’s gaining popularity in cocktail programs worldwide. Here’s a few informational nuggets they shared…

~ Bottled cocktails originated in the Jerry Thomas era as way for customers to take drinks “to-go” and enjoy later. Being that I’m New Orleans as I write this, I can’t help but think the “go cup” phenomenon here somehow owes its existence to this earlier incarnation.

~ In the early 1900’s, the Heublein company sold pre-made cocktails that had been aged in wood.

~ A few years ago, Tony Conigliaro began experimenting with aging cocktails in glass, prompting modern bartenders to rethink the concept and apply it in new ways, using different materials, spirits and processes.

~ Experimenting with barrel-aged cocktails coincided nicely with the internet making it easy to contact distilleries and procure their used barrels.

~ Much as single spirits do, aging a cocktail in a barrel will allow it to pull distinctive characteristics from the wood. However, using new barrels can be risky because too much wood flavor can be imparted very quickly. Score another point for recycling!

~ It easy to overage a cocktail, but if that happens, it’s not a lost cause. Often simply introducing more fresh cocktail to mix can salvage the batch.

~ While experimentation is encouraged, using ingredients like eggs, cream and citrus should be avoided. But I’m sure our intrepid bartending community is already hard at work coming up with a way to get around this though.

~ Generally speaking, lighter, unaged spirits like gin, vodka, unaged Tequila etc., seem to yield the best results.

~ For those not inclined to wait several weeks for a barrel-aged cocktail to reach maturity, you can get quicker results (and satisfy any latent gadget jones you may be experiencing) by using smoked wood chips and an iSi whipper to infuse your cocktail. I’ll need to track down specific instructions for this asap.


Now go find some barrels!

Tales of the Cocktail: Classic Hotel Bars

Being that I’m staying in a hotel and doing a fair amount of drinking in a nearby hotel containing a well-known bar (that’d be the Carousel bar at the Monteleone) I felt I’d be remiss if I didn’t attend the “Classic Hotel Bars” seminar.

The focus was mainly on the hotel bars of London, with occasional detours to other cities. Anecdotes abounded, histories were revealed, and as expected, cocktails were served. Here’s a sampling of the wealth of information that was provided…


~ Unlike most “regular” bars, working in a hotel bar makes you realize you have to think beyond local drinking preferences. Your are catering to a varied clientele, and have to be prepared to meet a broad spectrum of expectations drink-wise.

~ Hotel bars have spawned great bartenders, great drinks and great bar guides. Every time you name-drop someone like Jerry Thomas or Hugo Enslin you have a hotel bar to thank. Likewise the Savoy Cocktail Book or Charles Baker’s Around the World With Jigger, Beaker and Flask. Ever had a Pina Colada or Hanky Panky? Just two of many classic cocktails that originated in hotel bars.

~ The Savoy was the first hotel in England equipped with electricity. ( I like to think having a world-class bar on the premises played a role in this).

~ The Criterion bar (which still exists) is the location where Sherlock Holmes and Watson first meet. It also has the distinction of being the first “American style” bar in England.

~ Until recently, bartending in the UK was not considered a reputable occupation, and doing so in a hotel bar was even less prestigious. Fortunately this perception has reversed in recent years and many hotel bars in the UK are leading the way in quality cocktail-crafting.

~ Part of what makes a good hotel bar experience is the idea that it is not only just a drink stop, but also a place where you are taken care of. Some “regular” bars certainly provide this, but it should be a priority for hotel bars.

~ Martini enthusiasts owe it to themselves to make the pilgrimage to Duke’s, which is famous for its exacting, signature Martini preparation which uses no ice, shaking, or stirring. All the ingredients are kept chilled, and are simply, elegantly combined in the glass. Ian Fleming was a regular there, and was fond of these. If they were good enough for him, they should be good enough for you.

~ The Connaught Hotel is another London cocktail destination famous for its attention to detail and tailoring of drinks to the customer’s preference. Connaught bartender Ago Perone says of his customers: “We are not there to tell them what to drink” and puts that idea to practice by offering a selection of bitters for patrons to choose from when ordering a Martini.

~ The concept of the fine cocktail experience goes hand-in-hand with that of the fine dining experience. If a hotel has a top-tier restaurant on he premises, then the bar must be of similar caliber.


Book your room now! (or at least swing by for a cocktail).

Tales of the Cocktail: The Carousel after 5

The Carousel Bar at the Monteleone is a hub (figuratively and literally) of activity during Tales of the Cocktail. During the day it’s both a convenient meeting place and a handy spot for a quick drink to fortify yourself before venturing out to other watering holes. This makes it a very busy place during the day, and finding a spot to sit or even stand takes a little effort and patience.

But after 5, things change a bit. Everything slows down a little and the crowd thins out. Some no doubt head for dinner. Some probably look to take things uptempo and head to a livelier bar. Some take a nap and/or a shower before considering their next move.

This is when I like the Carousel best. The lights seem a little dimmer, the music a little softer, and the drinks a little smoother.

This is also when I’m more aware that the Carousel moves. Not just moves, but turns, slowly revolving and treating me to a gentle magic carpet ride that always brings me back to where I started. It makes me feel slightly sorry for the folks in the chairs around the edge of the room…they’re missing out on the fun.

I also have a theory that a moving bar helps keep things civilized. It’s hard to get rowdy when you’re on a slo-mo merry-go-round. It likely has something to do with being rocked as a baby, but I’m not going to question it too deeply. All I know is that bars come in many shapes and configurations, but I’m coming to the conclusion that round is ideal. And if your round bar also revolves and is decorated in an old-time amusement park motif, then all the better.

The one other thing I like about the Carousel is the array of unobtrusive mirrors placed behind the bar. You can easily ignore them if you like, but I happen to think occasionally seeing your reflection aids in self-reflection. Plus, you can tell if someone is sneaking up behind you. Genius, as far as I’m concerned.

So I think I’ll have one more round. And one more go ‘round.

Tales of the Cocktail: the First 24

The first 24 hours surrounding Tales of the Cocktail. is a hectic and joyous period. No matter when you arrive and begin your activities, that first day or so is always an intense, gleeful mixture of anticipation, participation, and disorganization. Here’s a few thoughts and observations from my initial 24:


~ I know it doesn’t rank very high on the list of existential dilemmas, but I always have trouble deciding whether my first drink during Tales of the Cocktail should be at the Carousel Bar or on the plane to New Orleans. (Yes, Tales officially begins when they board your section of the plane. Wasn’t that covered during orientation?)

~ Speaking of which, why does a can of Coke always taste better on a plane? I think it has something to do with altitude. And maybe that an attractive woman opens it for you. And maybe that mine had whiskey in it.

~ Not to beat the plane thing to death, but when did commercial airline flights become flying produce stands? The guy in the seat in front of me brought an entire bag of plums as a snack, and the woman two seats over had a banana and a sack of strawberries. I really had to fight the urge to muddle something.

~ After flying all day, stepping out of the airport shuttle in the middle of the French Quarter is a bit like landing on Mars…if Mars had a bar every 15 feet

~ Some hotels have a basket of fruit or a flower arrangement waiting in your room as welcoming gesture. Mine had a bottle of gin. I think I prefer that option.

~ Never, ever, underestimate the simple, restorative properties of a nice shower. With gin.

~ In most busy places, you can cause a riot by throwing fistfuls of cash into the crowd. In the Monteleone lobby you can achieve the same result with bottles of obscure bitters.

~ I was starting to get uncomfortable with the New Orleans heat, then I went to the Beefeater party and saw a ballerina dancing inside a plastic bubble. Remember: it can always be worse.

~ I’m not exactly sure how using goats and cows to promote your product works, but I predict that all the PR and marketing types will pounce on it, and we’ll be seeing a lot more livestock at future cocktail events.

~ I didn’t think it was possible to make an Airstream trailer any cooler-looking, but putting retro tattoo designs on it is a decent start.

~ Drinking in a big crowd can be fun. Drinking in a big crowd while wearing a whimsical sailor hat and surrounded by old tanks and fighter planes is bonus fun.

~ I know the local bars and restaurants make a ton of money during Tales, but whoever is selling mutton chop sideburns and tiny hats is making the real cash.

~ Did I mention the showers already?

~ Based on how crowded the Kahlua bar at the Monteleone is, I’m guessing next year we’ll be seeing a satellite event titled “Tales of the Coffee” where everybody gets jacked up all day and then has to spend the next morning drinking booze to get settled down.

~ While it’s probably not ergonomically correct, sitting on a nice, cool marble floor and leaning against a nice, cool marble wall is an ideal way to use a laptop computer. A nice, cool cocktail helps too.

Tales of the Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 6)

With Tales of the Cocktail officially kicking off in less than two days, I have time to sneak in just one more preemptive strike before the madness gets in gear. This time I had the opportunity to chat briefly with Jonathan Pogash. In addition to being a top-notch bartender, Jonathan also consults on cocktail matters with bars and restaurants worldwide as well as several spirits brands. As if that didn't keep him busy enough, he's also swinging by Tales of the Cocktail this year to moderate the panel discussion "The European Bartending Perspective."

I didn't want Jonathan to give away the store, so I asked him to just tease us a bit with some of the topics that will no doubt be discussed...

~What are one or two of the biggest differences between bartending styles in Europe and the US?

There are more similarities than there are differences, really. When developing this seminar we had a ball debating the topic. One difference is cocktail menu style and layout.

~ Guest bartending (where bars encourage members of their staff to visit other bars and work a shift or two) is a popular phenomenon in the US. Does this sort of thing happen in Europe as well?

I know several American bartenders who have been welcomed with open arms behind bars across the pond.

~ Do the drinking habits of the average European bar patron differ from that of their American counterparts? If so, how do those differences affect how bartenders approach their technique?

The main difference is that of US cocktail lounge vs. UK pub and cocktail bar.

~ Are there any specific drink ingredients that tend to be staples of the cocktail scene in Europe that may be unfamiliar to most American drinkers?

With the way our world is now, most ingredients are available on both continents. Except for the fact that sodas are made differently in Europe than in the US (i.e. Coca-Cola).

~ Do bartending techniques and philosophies in Europe differ from country to country? (For example, are there subtle differences between the way bartenders practice their craft in Italy vs. France?)

Let's see what Simon Difford has to say about this one!


"The European Bartending Perspective" happens from 3:30 to 5:00 pm July 21 in the Grand Ballroom North at the Royal Sonesta Hotel. It is currently sold out, but check with event organizers in case there are any cancellations.

Tales of the Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 5)

Rolling along with the pre-Tales "Cavalcade of Booze Knowledge" (tm) I got the chance to grill Christine Sismondo on her presentation "The Bad Boys of Saloons.''

If you don't know Christine, she's the author of America Walks into a Bar: A Spirited History of Taverns and Saloons, Speakeasies and Grog Shops, as well as Mondo Cocktail: A Shaken and Stirred History. She also contributes drink columns for Report on Business and Eye Weekly magazine. She kindly let me toss a few questions her way regarding her upcoming seminar.

What were the main characteristics that distinguished these types of places from their more upmarket counterparts?

There was an "anything goes" ethic in play. The main idea was to do whatever it took to get patrons in the door and keep them there. Many of the drinking establishments during this period (the 1850's-1900's) were what were called "tied houses", which meant they were affiliated with a particular beer company. Due to the exclusive nature of their relationship with one specific brewer, their profit margins were very low, so there were a lot of frauds and scams happening in order to boost the bottom line.

What were some of the drinks commonly found in these places?

In addition to whatever the house beer was, there were a lot of drinks that were basically un-aged white whiskey with other things added to make them palatable. These could contain a multitude of flavoring agents as well as drugs like camphor, for instance.

Can you describe the types of people who frequented these types of bars?

There was a popular perception that these types of places catered to the worst people engaging in the worst drinking behavior. The impression was that it was just immigrants getting plastered, and that dovetailed with the general demonizing of whatever the most recent wave of "just-off-the boat" people was. The truth is that you were just as likely to encounter questionable behavior and poor drinking habits in the upscale bars. As a matter of fact, you were quite likely to find well-heeled citizens slumming in these places, but that's a story unto itself.

What prompted the creation of these types of establishments? Was it simply an attempt to offer cheaper booze and undercut the competition?

The thing to keep in mind is that everyone was in the booze business during this time period. Grocery stores, pharmacies, soda fountains, and almost any merchant you can think of sold some type of alcohol. In the 1840's the average person drank twice as much alcohol as today. It was part of daily living, and was considered good for you. With that kind of consumption, the demand for booze was high, and sales were unregulated as well. The result was a tavern, grog shop, or liquor vendor within easy reach almost anywhere.

Could you find these places in almost any city or town? How widespread were they?

There were times where cities or counties would go dry, but even then there were ways to get booze to the public. It was pretty commonplace, even in places where the law stipulated there was to be no liquor sold.

Due to their illicit nature, were these places able to weather prohibition any better than the higher-profile reputable joints?

These places were generally fly-by-night joints, so they were used to being under constant threat of shutdown. Since they were accustomed to closing and reopening at a moment's notice , prohibition really didn't impact them...although everyone was forced to get creative during that time.

"The Bad Boys of Saloons" happens from 3:00 pm to 4:30 pm July 21 in the Queen Anne Ballroom at the Hotel Monteleone. Go here to purchase tickets.

Tales of the Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 4)

Continuing with the pre-Tales festivities, we check in with Ed Hamilton. Ed is a noted authority on rum, and has written about various sugar cane spirits for a number of magazines and newspapers. He has also written two books on the subject, and is probably most familiar to rum enthusiasts for his work at the Ministry of Rum website.

In a little over a month from now, Ed will be escorting us through the tasting /seminar "6 Rums You'll Probably Never Have the Opportunity to Taste Again." He didn't want to give too much away beforehand regarding these mysterious rums, but he did let a few things slip...

Is this the first time that a rum tasting of this kind has been held at Tales of the Cocktail? Or anywhere else?

Yes, to my knowledge.

Have any of the rums you're showcasing ever been bottled for sale before?

No.

What are some of the reasons these aren't made available for mass consumption?

Low production. There’s only a little bit of these rums around anywhere.

How much blood, sweat and tears went into rounding up all these great rums and getting them in the same place at the same time?

I’m lucky to have good relations with a lot of distilleries, so the hard part will be getting them transported to New Orleans.

How many of these (if any) have you sampled previously?

I’ve sampled rums from all of these distilleries before, but these will be unique as every barrel is different.

Would anyone in their right mind mix with any of these, or are they strictly intended for sipping?

I wouldn’t recommend mixing any of them, though any of them would make a great rum old fashioned.

"6 Rums You'll Probably Never Have the Opportunity to Taste Again" happens from 10:30 am to 12:00 pm July 21 in the Grand Ballroom South at the Royal Sonesta Hotel. Go here to purchase tickets.

Tales of the Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 3)

Next up in this series of pre-Tales dispatches is a brief Q &A with Wayne Curtis. Wayne is a freelance journalist who has written for many fine periodicals including The New York Times, Saveur, The Atlantic and Travel+Leisure. However, booze geeks likely know him best as the author of And a Bottle of Rum: A History of the World in Ten Cocktails.

This year Wayne will be heading up the presentation "Beyond Punch: Colonial American Drinks and How to Mix Them", and he graciously let me pepper him with questions concerning this period in American drinking.

You wrote in And a Bottle of Rum that rum played a big part in the drinking scene during the early days of the US. What were some of the other things people were drinking at that time?

Mostly cider, lots of beer, and whiskey was starting to come in, but it remained hampered by transportation issues (no trains or canals from beyond the Appalachians until nearly the mid-19th century). Rum was cheap and easy to find in port cities since there was lots of trade between the 26 British colonies (of which 13 elected to break off and declare independence.)

Could you briefly describe the role alcohol played in the day-to-day life of the average person in colonial America? For example, was it common to consume alcohol with every meal? Was it mainly consumed recreationally and socially?

Beverage alcohol was medicine, provider of comfort, salve, healer of all ills including chilblains. You had some in the morning to start your day properly, then you had some more spirit when you took a lunch break, and there was no better way to cement the bonds of friendship and catch up on the news than having a slug of rum or cider at night at the tavern.

What is an example of a popular alcoholic beverage that could be found in a pub/tavern during this time period?

Punch, of course -- taverns almost always had punch bowls and ladles and cups. But tavern owners were creative and mixed up what they had to create potions that would distinguish them from their competition. Shrubs were popular -- this was a way of preserving berries or stone fruits into the winter by soaking them in vinegar. Pour out a little of that, add sugar, some rum, and you could turn a dark February evening into a taste of summer. Which was sort of a remarkable thing in an era before refrigeration and air-express shipping.

How much distilling was done at home vs. commercially?

Home distilling was far more common then than now -- because if you lived on an isolated farm, you had to make most everything you needed. So small stovetop contraptions would provide a bit. And rural folks knew other tricks, like leaving a pail of hard cider out in the barn during the winter, and then scraping off and discarding the ice periodically, which would increase the proof and result in a sort of crude applejack. (Water freezes before alcohol.) In the cities, with the proliferation of taverns and distillers, there was less home-distillation. Remember that in New England alone, there were something like 160 commercial rum distilleries cranking out product on the eve of the American Revolution. You didn't have to go far to find a tot of rum, especially in the seaboard cities.

Were the drinking habits of the wealthy markedly different from the poor?

Everybody drank, and heartily, but the rich drank better, of course. They could afford imported Madeira and port to mix in their punches. And they would drink rums from the West Indies, which most contemporary accounts suggest tasted far better than the rums made in New England.

What types of drinking vessels were the most commonly used (glass, metal, earthenware, etc.) and what drinks were traditionally served in them?

Glass was favored by the upper crust -- elegant punch glasses and the like were more expensive to obtain, and when you had them you took good care of them. Otherwise, it was whatever you had on hand -- be it pewter mugs or crude earthenware or more refined ceramic tankards, or sipping out of the ladle. You'd find a real mix of vessels around the colony, with the poorer imbibers obviously using the cheaper earthenware.

Were there any drink ingredients or preparations being used at that time that we would find surprising today?

Flip is most surprising -- it was made by mixing up rum, beer, and a sweetener like molasses in a pitcher, then stirring it with a piece of iron that had been heated to red-hot in a fireplace. The mess would foam up and sputter, and the end product had a distinctive taste... strangely, a bit like Starbucks coffee, from all the grains in the beer being burned.



"Beyond Punch: Colonial American Drinks and How to Mix Them" happens from 10:00 to 11:30 am July 21 in the Queen Anne Ballroom at the Hotel Monteleone. Go here to purchase tickets.

Days of Wine and...More Wine.

No cause for alarm. This isn't turning into a wine blog.

I just thought I'd take a small, one-post detour into wine territory since I found myself attending the Pittsburgh Wine Festival recently. Now normally when I go to a gathering where adult beverages are served, I'm usually looking for a cold beer or a colder Martini. But I'm amenable to the occasional glass of wine, so when the opportunity came up, I took it.

But before we go any further, I should mention a couple of items just so we're all on the same page:

1) I know squat about wine.

2) That being the case, at no point in this post will there be tasting notes.

You see, a big reason I wanted to hit up this event was in order to remedy item #1 above. And since I'm approaching this whole enterprise as a rookie, the last thing I'm going to do is attempt to describe and evaluate a bunch of wines when I have neither the experience nor vocabulary to do so effectively.

Back to the event: Normally, finding myself in situation like this would result in my lurching randomly from vendor to vendor, hoping to stumble onto something I liked, and also remembering to write down its name for future reference. However, I have a secret weapon.

A good friend of mine is studying to be a sommelier, and I enlisted her help in plotting out a plan of attack. She kindly reviewed the vendor list and provided me with detailed written instructions on which vendors and specific wines would be good to try. This information proved crucial, and I printed an extra copy for my stalwart companion who dubbed it our "cheat sheet."

Now that a battle plan was in place, we laid siege to Heinz Field, the very same venue where I previously pillaged the liquor offerings at the Pittsburgh Whiskey and Fine Spirits Festival. Erupting from the elevator with my wristband held high, I embarked on 4 (or so) hours of wine education, and my observations of the proceedings are as follows...

~ The event took place on Cinco de Mayo. I'm betting there were a lot of people who thought starting the evening with wine and ending with Tequila would be a seamless transition. I'm also betting the next morning many of them were proven wrong.

~ Despite the event being located in two very large lounge areas, it was still incredibly crowded by the third hour. I recommend attending the first session unless you are an intensely extroverted person who thrives in loud, sardine can-like environments.

~ There was a truly astounding amount wine on offer. I don't have hard numbers, but suffice to say if you attempted to sample even a tenth of it, paramedics would be involved.

~ As far as I could tell, I was the only dork running around with a clipboard furiously taking notes on the various wines I tasted. I guess everyone else's memory was better than mine. Or maybe they just didn't want to look like they were going to ask someone to take a survey.

~ The attendees were a relatively diverse group, and it was nice to see people of all shapes, colors, sizes and ages. There was a noticeable upscale vibe, with much of the crowd using the event as an opportunity to show off their shiny new jewelry, formalwear and trophy wives.

~ Despite this, there was the occasional scruffy-looking oddball.* I found it refreshing, and my favorite attendee was a guy in a tie-dyed t-shirt emblazoned with the National Bohemian mascot. I'm not certain this guy actually knew where he was, but he seemed to be having a good time.

~ In a feat of engineering and creativity, the PLCB managed to erect a temporary but fully-functioning State Store on the premises in case anyone wanted to purchase a bottle of something they sampled during the event. Maybe someday they can bring this same know-how to bear and figure out how to open their stores on Sundays.

~ Domestic vendors and imported vendors were placed in two completely separate locations, but you could travel from one to the other on chauffeured golf carts provided as courtesy. This was a nice touch, and proved that you do not actually have to be playing golf to enjoy riding on a golf cart while hammered.

~ Unlike similar events showcasing beer and spirits, there was virtually zero swag given out by vendors. This was disappointing, because I really wanted to get my hands on one of those Château Margaux baseball caps I see all the kids wearing.

~ Kudos to the venue for providing ample food & water throughout the evening. Based on how several of the attendees looked and sounded a few hours into the event, I'm guessing there would have been a hell of a lot of pizzas being delivered to Heinz Field had the organizers not kept the grub in good supply.

~ I had the good fortune to run into local wine guru Sean Enright, who helpfully directed me to a handful of really good wines to try. As with many things, recommendations from people in the know are a great way to get acquainted with stuff you're unfamiliar with.

And speaking of wines I thought were pretty good? Here are a few in no particular order...

Bertani Villa Arvedi Amarone '06
Terlato Boutari Naoussa '07
Marchesi Di Barolo Dolcetto '09
Château Moncontour Vouvray Predilection '09
Cono Sur sparkling brut
Blue Coast Château Vignelaure '05
Valckenberg Maximin Grünhäuser Herrenberg Riesling Kabinett '08
Grapes of Spain Genium Cellar Ecologic Priorat '06
Terlato Gaja Magari '07
Vineyard Brands Château Beaucastel Chateauneuf du Pape Rouge '08

All things considered it was a very decent event. I'm definitely looking forward to seeing what they put together next time around.

But I'll still likely require a cheat sheet.


* I fall firmly into this category.

Tales of the Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 2)

As promised earlier, I'm posting a few pre-Tales items designed to prime the collective pumps of those headed for New Orleans this July. But even if you aren't attending the boozapalooza known as Tales of the Cocktail,you still might want to stop here now and then in the weeks beforehand to soak up some random hooch-centric knowledge.

This salvo comes courtesy of Paul Clarke, whose name is familiar to cocktail enthusiasts of all stripes. In addition to writing about cocktails & spirits for Imbibe, The San Francisco Chronicle, The New York Times and SeriousEats.com, he is also considered the godfather of cocktail blogging, having documented his love of adult beverages at his site The Cocktail Chronicles since 2005.

At Tales of the Cocktail this year, Paul will be presenting the seminar "As American as Apple Brandy", and he was kind enough to let me fling a handful of questions at him regarding this little-known but historically significant spirit.

Are apple brandy and applejack the same thing? I often see the terms used interchangeably.

Historically, applejack and apple brandy were pretty much the same thing. The term "applejack" was slang, a word usually hung on rougher, coarser versions of the spirit (especially in the early days, when techniques like freeze distillation were sometimes employed), and until very recently, brandy distillers typically bristled at the use of "applejack" to describe their product. The term mostly lost its sting after Prohibition, when there were still several brands around (this ended in the 1950s, when Laird's became the only producer in the U.S.), and in the 1970s, Laird's reformulated their applejack from a straight apple brandy into a blend with neutral spirits, with a little apple wine added to the blend.

Do you remember where you first encountered apple brandy?

When I first started exploring the classic-cocktail landscape, I came across references to the Jack Rose, one of the most basic and still engaging applejack cocktails in creation. I'd just assumed that applejack was extinct along with Old Tom gin and other once-common bar ingredients, but with a little searching I found applejack in a Seattle liquor store; today, many Jack Roses later, I still find American apple brandy one of the most interesting and engaging spirits in the bar.

How popular was apple brandy in the early days of the US?

Keep in mind that apple brandy is simply distilled cider, and there were stretches during the Colonial era and well into the 19th century when cider was the most widely consumed beverage in America. So, apple brandy was huge -- it was easy to produce locally (which was especially helpful on the frontier, where shipments of rum -- the other important spirit of the colonial era -- could be relatively expensive and hard to find), and it predated the advent of Bourbon and possibly even the birth of American rye whiskey. Laird's has been distilling apple brandy since 1698, and in the 1830s, there were around 400 distillers of applejack in New Jersey alone. That was bigtime booze for the era.

It's my understanding that apple brandy was traditionally made in the northeastern US. Was/is it made in other parts of the country?

New Jersey is American apple brandy's ancestral homeland, and Laird's is still based there today (though since suburban sprawl long ago displaced the state's orchards, their brandy is now distilled in Virginia), but today there's apple brandy being made pretty much wherever apples are grown. Clear Creek Distillery in Oregon has been making apple brandy for years, and St. George Spirits and Germain Robin in California make exquisite apple brandies. There are also apple brandies made in Michigan, Indiana and Connecticut, and I hope that soon we'll be able to purchase apple brandy made in my home state of Washington.

The apple brandies I've tasted seem to have a whiskey-like character. Are there any whiskey-based cocktails that work well when apple brandy is substituted?

There's a reason applejack is sometimes referred to as "apple whiskey." American apple brandy has the woody bite that you find in Bourbon & rye, along with a mellow richness that can really make the other ingredients in a cocktail come together. I'd suggest almost every whiskey-based cocktail would work well with apple brandy, and if you mix equal parts of the two? Damn. Case in point: the Star Cocktail, which is simply an apple-brandy Manhattan (make it with orange bitters and you've got a Marconi Wireless), and the Diamondback, which is rye whiskey, apple brandy and Chartreuse. Also, there's the American Trilogy, a more contemporary drink which is rye whiskey, apple brandy and orange bitters. And apple brandy even mixes well with other spirits, such as in the Pink Lady, in which it stars with gin, lending a deeper, richer backbone to the drink.

What are some of the differences between American apple brandy and other related products like Calvados?

While there are similarities between Calvados and American apple brandy, the differences are big enough to think about them as distinct spirits. Calvados producers are limited to using certain types of apples (typically the tarter styles used for cider), but American producers can use any style of apple, and often use sweeter varieties more commonly thought of as table apples (an example is the apple brandy from Clear Creek Distillery in Oregon, which is made entirely from Golden Delicious apples). Laird's, the largest producer, ages their brandy in used bourbon barrels, whereas Calvados producers use various styles of oak barrels, which results in a different finished product. American apple brandies are also usually bottled much younger than Calvados (though there are exceptions among some older American brandies), which results in a very different character in the glass. There are other differences, but this should give you an idea of how similar, yet different, these styles of apple brandy can be.

Has the renewed interest in cocktails over the past few years helped apple brandy become more commonplace? Is it possible to find it in bars these days?

The cocktail renaissance has helped almost all spirits (with the possible exception of vodka), and apple brandy has definitely benefited. Not only can you find applejack and Laird's bonded apple brandy in many (if not most) craft-cocktail bars, but there's been a slow but steady increase in the number of startup distillers trying their hand at apple brandy. The best years for American apple brandy may be before us.


"As American as Apple Brandy" happens from 1:00 to 2:30 pm, July 23 in the Grand Ballroom South at the Royal Sonesta Hotel. Go here to purchase tickets.

Tales of The Cocktail: Preemptive Strike (Part 1)

Thanks to a variety of planets aligning, I'll be attending Tales of the Cocktail this July, and as in previous years I'll be doing my level best to soak up as much booze-centric information as possible. If you're one of the seven people who read this blog regularly, you may remember my wrap-up from the first year I went to Tales, and also some observations from my second time around. I'll be endeavoring to do likewise again in a couple of months' time.

However, this year I'll be doing things a bit differently. Yes, I'll still be shambling around like a slack-jawed ape trying vainly to process the sensory orgy that is a 5-day hoochfest placed smack in the middle of downtown New Orleans. But this time I'm coming armed with three things I didn't have back in '09: A laptop computer, a Facebook account and a Twitter account.

See, the goal for me this time is to send back a few dispatches from the field in a somewhat timely fashion, rather than relying on my faulty memory and a stack of smeared handwritten notes to provide a post-mortem. Provided my dubious technological skill set doesn't fail me, I intend to report in as faithfully as possible throughout the event.

I'll also be doing a handful of posts and updates in the weeks leading up to Tales, so if you're the kind of person who enjoys stuff like sneak previews and movie trailers, then you should probably go wherever they have those, because here I'm just going to be discussing seminars with names like "A Critical Design Analysis Of The Hawthorne Strainer (With Emphasis On Metal Fatigue And Fluid Dynamics)" and "The Solera Method: A Noble Tradition...Or Just Plain Cheatin'?"

But if that kind of thing sounds up your alley, then you can periodically check in here, and also look for @DoctorBamboo on Twitter. If Facebook is your thing, then go here. Of course the best option is to actually come to New Orleans and meet me for a drink. We'll put it on Morgenthaler's tab.

Drinking AND Writing

Recently a fine, enterprising group of booze nerds formally known as the Cocktail & Spirits Online Writers Group descended upon New Orleans and held its first official conference. Waving a giant banner bearing Stan Jones' likeness, they invaded a fairly sedate stretch of Rampart street and set up a base of operations from which both cocktails and cocktail knowledge would issue forth.

The 2-day extravaganza dubbed "drink. write" took place in two locations: a stately Victorian dwelling dubbed the "Mixo house" and a cozy gathering spot located literally across the street . Two days worth of intense drink-related knowledge was shared in the conference facility, while the casual swapping of booze-centric info, socializing and imbibing took place largely at the Mixo house.



Camper English, Jay Hepburn, SeanMike Whipkey and Paul Clarke drop some science.


The presentations and panel discussions covered topics such as how to be a better writer, connecting with the cocktail community at large, how to optimize your blog's effectiveness, taking nifty photos of your drinks, and making dazzling garnishes. These events drew upon the collective skill and talent of people like Jay Hepburn, SeanMike Whipkey, Paul Clarke, Tiare Olsen, Rick Stutz, Martin Cate, Jamie Boudreau, Darcy O'Neil, Camper English and Chuck Taggart , who were kind enough to get up in front of a herd of knowledge-hungry cocktail geeks and dispense wisdom.

After the PowerPoint glare had faded and all the citrus carcasses had been swept up, the gathering eventually shifted to the Mixo House, where the surprisingly named "Mixo Bar" formed the centerpiece of the proceedings. Seemingly everyone took a turn behind the stick, and if you couldn't get a good drink, it was probably your own fault- the generosity of the sponsors ensured that product was in good supply, and there was always someone on hand who knew what to do with it.



Chris Stanley personifies bartender bushido at the Mixo bar.


I could attempt to do a blow-by-blow chronological narrative of the whole conference, but as I mentioned in my Tales of the Cocktail wrap-up, I'm better at disjointed commentary. Bearing that in mind, here's a handful of thoughts filtered through the hazy lens of my memory (and barely legible notes)...


~ After a few nights of wondering why my bed felt so cold, I realized an AC vent in the floor was positioned dead-center below my bed (or more accurately, my bed was positioned dead-center above an AC vent). Thereafter, I began keeping bottles of vermouth under my mattress.

~ The "Foxy Cocktail Garnish" session resulted in more slaughtered produce than I've ever seen in my life. It was like those old civil war battlefield aftermath photos. Except the North was limes, the South was lemons, and the horses were oranges.

~ You can really test the performance envelope of an ice machine by placing it in a poorly-ventilated utility shed. In New Orleans. In July.



Our ice machine makes its feelings perfectly clear on where we chose to put it.


~ Every night ends with scotch (regardless of how large a variety of drinks you may have consumed up to that point).

~ Banging a muddler up and down a flight of wooden stairs is a traditional old New Orleans method used to rouse revelers who may be flagging late in the evening. Or maybe someone just made that up to justify their doing it at 1:30 am.

~ You can never have too many bitters.

~ When a third of the house's liquor supply is stored in your bedroom, you wield unimaginable power.



Me realizing my bed is probably underneath all that liquor.


~ Next year I will be organizing a scavenger hunt. The first person to find a restaurant offering an item that contains neither pork nor shellfish wins.

~ Pouring Branca Menta directly into an open wound will not only disinfect it, but will give you +2 on your saving throw vs. breath weapon.

~ If you enjoy cigars, I can think of nowhere better to have one than a secluded, quiet, brick-paved courtyard surrounded by lush greenery. Having a fully stocked bar mere feet away in the air-conditioning is also a bonus.

~ Despite claims to the contrary, you CAN make a meal out of nothing but cherry tomatoes, basil and mozzarella cheese.



Joana Marquette making sure we ingest something other than hooch.


~ A broken toilet does not seem that urgent or troubling when you are holding a glass of 23 year-old-rye.

~ With great karaoke comes great responsibility.

~ A 6-month old child was able to weather several days in New Orleans with more resilience and fortitude than I could. He can probably out-drink me too.

~ I consider the large patch of mint growing next to the Mixo house a gift from the Garnish Gods.

~ When Tiare moves to New Orleans, she's hosting all the afterparties.



Also, a few quick words of thanks & recognition need to go out to the following:

~ Matthew Rowley for his fine work moderating the discussions.

~ Joana Marquette for her seemingly endless stream of top-notch munchies.

~ Nathan Lutchansky for barbacking above and beyond the call of duty.

~ Sponsors and representatives for supplying us with product and stopping by to help sling it.

~ Fellow members of the CSOWG who all contributed to making the event a success!

Father - Son Duo Invades Boozefest!!!

Good thing: My father likes Bourbon.

Not So Good Thing: He has been drinking one brand exclusively for many, many years.


That second one may be on the verge of changing. Recently my father said to me, “You know, I’d really like to have someone line up a bunch of different Bourbons so I could see what the differences in taste are.” The timing of that remark couldn‘t have been better, given that the Pittsburgh Whiskey and Fine Spirits Festival was mere weeks away.

Cut to Heinz Field, home of the venerable Steelers. Normally that place is crammed full of arguably the most zealous, old-school smashmouth NFL fans you’ll find anywhere.* But that night there was no one bleeding black-and-gold, no ferociously swirling Terrible Towels, and certainly no beer. That night Heinz Field was about whiskey (and other fine spirits, according to the promotional materials).

No, the normal “Tailgating begins at sunrise” crowd that fills the parking lot every game day was replaced by a well-behaved gaggle of liquor enthusiasts patiently awaiting entry. Upon entering, we were promptly whisked via elevator to a spacious, posh lounge area lined end-to-end with tables bearing a variety of adult beverages being simultaneously pimped and consumed.

The crowd was well-dressed, conducted themselves appropriately, and gave off an upscale vibe, so I recognized right away I was completely out of my element. But I was not going to let the conspicuous lack of Hawaiian shirts and keg cups stand in the way of my mission. There was serious sampling to be undertaken.

But rather than unspool some lengthy blow-by-blow narrative, I’ll simply hit the highlights in the itemized list format that’s become so popular these days. Clip n’ save for future reference!

~ Heeding Paul Clarke’s sage advice, we hit the Sazerac table first. As predicted, pretty much everything there was amazing. Their Antique Collection (George T. Stagg Bourbon, Thomas Handy Rye, Eagle Rare Single Barrel Bourbon, etc.,) is impeccable. If you find it, buy it.

Also, the Buffalo Trace Bourbon was top-notch, and upon tasting the 20 year-old Van Winkle Reserve, my father’s assessment was, “Well after that, it’s all pretty much downhill isn’t it?” (we carried on nonetheless)

~ I focused mainly on American whiskies, but took an occasional detour. One of these was to try New Amsterdam gin, which is clean, soft, and has an appealing citrus aspect. Also, it’s a total steal for the price.

~ My father branched out a bit more than I did, and among the non-whiskey offerings he enjoyed was Marie Brizard’s Parfait Amour and Kubler absinthe, served up complete with the whole fountain & sugar cube tomfoolery. The green fairy may very well have an new devotee.

~ One of the more distinctive whiskies being presented was Penderyn Single Malt Welsh Whiskey. My father loved it, and I thought it wasn’t bad either. I’m too much of a whiskey novice to fully articulate a flavor profile, but suffice to say it tasted like no other whiskey I’ve had (and I mean that in a good way).

~ Speaking of single malts, Michael Collins Irish Whiskey is a nifty product, and if you’re a fan of that category, I’d suggest giving it a go, if for no other reason than it’s powerful oaky finish. It’s probably blasphemous to say so, but I’d love to experiment with mixing this stuff to showcase that woody aspect somehow.

~ I also dipped into some Scotch: The Glenrothes Select Reserve wasn’t really my bag of beans, but the Tomatin Single Malt 18 yr. old has a very good shot at ending up in my liquor closet if I can track some down.

~ Dad also snuck in a few sips of Patron, which appears to have undone decades of Tequila prejudice on his part. I know Patron takes some abuse for its marketing methods and price point, but that aside, I think it’s a perfectly decent-tasting Tequila and worth the occasional splurge.

~ Vodka: There was an ocean of this stuff available. Why anyone would go to a whiskey-centric event and drink vodka is a mystery, but it was happening all around me.

Overall, it was a tremendous event. I saw smiling faces everywhere, and there seemed to be a lot of people genuinely interested in seeking out good product (as opposed to simply seeing how much booze they could absorb in a 3-hour window) The only “downside” to the whole event was that there was just too much to reasonably (and safely) sample in a single evening.

Which is why I really hope they do it again next year.



* I realize Packers fans may dispute this claim, but sorry, the Steeler Nation gets the edge here. And to any Raiders fans who may feel slighted, please note that “batshit crazy” is not the same thing as “diehard fan.” Turning your stadium into a GWAR concert every Sunday doesn’t automatically translate into a deep, abiding love for your team.

The Brick, the Bitters, and the God of Thunder

It’s a month later, and the ripple effects of Tales of the Cocktail are still being felt at here at Casa de Bamboo. Specifically, I’ve been poking through a huge stack of recipe cards that was included in my TotC goodie bag. For those who haven’t seen it, this stack of cards is over 3 inches thick and contains instructions for numerous adult beverages (as well as a handful of food items). It’s my understanding that every single recipe in this collection was prepared and served somewhere, sometime, during TotC. Mind-boggling to be sure, and it’s not a feat I’ll be attempting myself. My available time and budget is far exceeded by the sheer number of recipes.

Hence, I’ve nicknamed this giant wad of cards “The Brick.”

After browsing through The Brick in the days following TotC, I decided the first drink I’d try to reproduce was the “Improved Whiskey Cocktail”. This drink was one of several I’d sampled at the TotC Happy Hour, and I really liked it. It also contains two of my favorite ingredients- Bourbon and Maraschino.

Here is the recipe as printed on the card:


Improved Whiskey Cocktail

2 oz. Bulleit Bourbon
2 dashes Fee Bros. Whiskey Barrel Bitters
1 teaspoon Fee Bros. Rock Candy Syrup
½ teaspoon Luxardo Maraschino Liqueur
1 Dash Pernod Absinthe

Strain into chilled cocktail glass and twist a swatch of thin-cut lemon peel over the top.

Created by David Wondrich


The only ingredient I didn’t have handy was the Whiskey Barrel Bitters, but a quick online order remedied that. Of course this meant I had to wait a few days before whipping up the drink, but I wanted to make sure I had all the requisite components in place- I thought this recipe was outstanding, and I didn’t want to goof it up by omitting or substituting anything. So I sat, marinating in my obsessive nature and waiting for the guy in the big brown truck to deliver my tiny bottles (Yeah, I said “bottles.” As long as I was already ordering, I picked up a couple other flavors. Don’t act like you haven’t done it too).

But back to the Happy Hour. Imagine a large hotel ballroom, the perimeter ringed with tables. Now put several more tables in the center of the room like giant island-style bar. Behind each of these tables put someone frantically mixing drinks nonstop. Now fill this entire space shoulder-to-shoulder with booze nerds desperately trying to sample drinks and carry on conversations. Finally, add in a harried hotel staff weaving throughout the whole thing, clearing empty glasses and replenishing supplies at a manic pace.

It’s hot, cramped, and loud. But the general atmosphere is one of good-natured frenzy, on the part of both the mixers and the sippers. As time goes on, more people add to the ranks, ratcheting up the crush until it feels as though you’re submerged in a booze-infused sensory sludge, helplessly slipping into a fugue state.

Fortunately, every so often you’re jolted back to life by the cannon-fire sound of ice being pummeled into submission by David Wondrich. Ensconced at a corner table, he wielded an enormous wooden mallet, the kind cartoon cats and mice use on each other. With every blow, thunder erupted and drinks were forged. I like to think it was his way of periodically reminding everyone that yes, socializing is fun, networking is necessary, but we’re here for the drinks, people.

In this case, the Improved Whiskey Cocktail.

This time around I’ll dodge my usual ham-fisted attempts to dissect the recipe. If you like whiskey, you’ll probably like it- It’s damn good. Gather up the ingredients and try it out at home. Preferably with a big hammer in hand. A Viking helmet wouldn’t hurt either.

Ain't Life Grand?

Don't kill the messenger, Jeffrey. They made me do it.

Tales of the Cocktail: Words and Pictures

“Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror.”

- Ming the Merciless


This was my first time visiting New Orleans and attending Tales of the Cocktail, so I was excited at the prospect of a nearly week-long double whammy of booze and culture. Being someone who likes playing with both words and pictures, I had visions of doing some grandiose Hunter S. Thompson/Anthony Bourdain-style travelogue, replete with profound insights into the human condition and comprehensively documented in a lush, day-to-day journal format.

It became apparent sometime around day 4 that this was not going to happen.

You see, up until then, I had been taking tons of notes, trying to make as many drawings as time would allow, and even snapping a handful of photos. But there’s just so Goddamn much to see and do down there, it all just got away from me. I realized that there was no way I could effectively record all the things I experienced and subsequently package it all up for consumption. I’m only one man.

So what follows is simply a collection of impressions…nuggets of info that somehow made it back home stored either in my notebook or in my head. I hope that collectively they’ll give a glimpse into what transpired over 6 days or so at a cocktail convention in New Orleans. If you were there, some of this may look and sound familiar. If you weren’t there, I bear no responsibility for anything you see here encouraging or deterring you from attending next year.

~~~~~Random Observations~~~~~

~ I’m really trying hard not to stereotype all businessmen who travel by plane as attention-starved, self-important jackasses, but it’s really difficult not to do so when every flight contains at least one guy who is compelled to initiate a loud cell phone conversation the second the wheels hit the ground. And it’s bonus fun whenever one of these fine specimens spends the entire flight hyperactively fiddling with his laptop, Blackberry, phone, and pocket calculator in rapid succession. Next to me.

(To the guy on the flight from Charlotte to New Orleans: Well done sir- I’m sure your boss is grooming you for upper management as a result of your dedication and diligence. Thanks for jabbing me with your elbow for almost an hour straight. Now I know why they serve booze on planes).

~ The shuttle from the airport to the French Quarter is a convenient, inexpensive way to get where you’re going, but it isn’t particularly speedy, nor does it seem to follow any discernible logic with regard to route. Once your van/bus arrives in the Quarter, you are treated to a seemingly aimless tour of all the hotels in this legendary neighborhood, in no specific order. You will travel up and down the same streets over and over (albeit in different directions) until your hotel presumably appears.

You know how in action movies there’s often a car chase through a third-world street bazaar knocking over fruit stands and squeezing through alleyways not intended for cars? It’s like that, except at half-speed.

~ I’m still trying to figure out what method the baggage handlers used to smash my steel wristwatch into eight pieces. I’m impressed, but this is why I never spend more than 40 bucks for a watch.

~ Whoever came up with the concept of a slowly rotating bar is a mad genius. It’s a great way to meet people, but sustaining conversations proves more difficult if one party is moving and the other is not.

Spinning at the Carousel Bar

~ If you remain in the Carousel Bar long enough, you will eventually see every single person attending Tales of the Cocktail.

~ Boozebloggers must have something akin to a bat-signal. On the first night, after an hour or so in the Carousel Bar, almost every other blogger in attendance showed up within 15 minutes of each other. (But I should note that I was well into my 2nd Martini at this point, so my perceptions may have been less than accurate). Spontaneous assemblies of this sort repeated themselves throughout the event. I need to look into this phenomenon.

~ As has been noted elsewhere, boozebloggers, (particularly those with tiki leanings) favor island-style shirts, brimmed hats made of organic materials, and facial hair. I don’t know if there is any connection between this look and a predilection to open marriage, but at least one person in the elevator at the Hotel Monteleone wondered aloud if we were part of a swinger’s convention that was rumored to be in town at the same time.

~ It’s nice to see Maraschino liqueur behind a bar.

~ If you find yourself in the company of several boozebloggers lurching through the kaleidoscopic blur of the French Quarter at night, realize that you will be likely be stopping at Pat O’Brien’s for hurricanes, even though no one particularly wants to (I still haven’t figured out exactly how this happened).

And despite all participants swearing a blood oath to never reveal that we went Pat O’Brien’s for Hurricanes, photographic evidence immediately appeared on several websites (I still haven’t figured that out either. Apparently a man’s word means nothing these days).

~ At any gathering where three or more people are drinking, Jagermeister will inevitably appear.

~ Late-night “invitation-only “ parties can be fun, but more so for the secrecy that surrounds them than for the actual social interaction that occurs once you gain admittance. Also, you will see people at these parties that you will never see before or after. It’s as if they’ve been teleported in just for that specific occasion. You could set up an “invitation-only” party in the heart of the Amazon rainforest and instantly 2 dozen women with fake breasts and their varnish-headed boyfriends will materialize from somewhere.

Also, these parties will cause hotel security to be called multiple times. Plan accordingly.

~ Despite the South having a reputation for doing everything at a slower pace than the rest of the world, they apparently suspend this approach during Tales of the Cocktail. Everything seemed to be moving much faster than I was…even when I was sober.

It’s not unlike the video for the Ramones’ “I Wanna be Sedated”.

~ I normally avoid coffee, but drinking a cup while taking your morning shower has a definite rejuvenating effect and is a time-saver to boot.

Coffee in the shower Wednesday morning

~ There seems to be no limit to the money that corporate sponsors are willing to spend to get you to drink their hooch. I won’t name any specific brands, but there were some serious dog-and-pony shows that could have been set aside in favor of more effective smaller, targeted promotional efforts. Flashy can be fun, but when people are leaving your event less than an hour after it begins because it’s an assault on the senses, you may want to rethink your strategy.

~ One of the defining moments of the trip was witnessing someone during a Tales event gleefully telling the person he was on the phone with how drunk he was. I am 99% sure this person was not actually a Tales attendee. Oh well…share the wealth, I say.

~ It’s a lot of fun watching someone from the UK trying to pronounce “Tchoupitoulas”. Hell, I’m from here and I can’t pronounce it.

~ Whoever was in charge of keeping bottled water in good supply throughout the event deserves a medal.

~ Speaking of water, I drank far, far, more water and caffeine than I did alcohol. No one believes me though.

~ The blogger reception was a great opportunity to meet all my online pen-pals. It’s nice when people who compulsively document their drinking habits publicly have a chance to get together and compare notes.

~ Absinthe/pastis and Peychaud’s bitters are flavors I don’t need to taste for a long, long time. I think they put Peychaud’s in the O.J. at the breakfast buffet for Christ’s sake.

~ I awoke one morning at 5:12 and was unable to go back to sleep. I don’t know who or what to blame this on, but it did allow me to witness a guy slowly riding a bicycle on the street below in the pre-dawn haze. That guy probably has a story.

~ Kudos to whoever’s idea it was to place a fully-stocked Red Bull fridge in the media room. But there was something ironic about being at arguably the biggest drinking event on the planet and no opener being available for the bottled beverages.

~ If you want the closest thing to solitude outside of locking yourself in your room, hang out in the lobby of the Hotel Monteleone from 7-9 a.m. during Tales of the Cocktail.

At 7 a.m. the Lobby of the Hotel Monteleone is a ghost town (But even the ghosts are drinking)

~ I was fortunate enough to meet several luminaries in the cocktail community, and with only one exception, I met all of them simply while hanging around or walking from event to event. If there’s someone you really want to meet, I’d say you’ve got better odds of running into them waiting for an elevator than you do trying to plow through a crowd of admirers at an appearance. But maybe I just had good luck.

~ I didn’t particularly want to do a full-tilt Bourbon tasting at 10:30 a.m., but I somehow struggled through it.

~ The “Cocktail Hour” was far longer than an hour. It also featured the biggest crowd of drunks I’ve ever seen crammed into one small area without a fistfight, public displays of affection, or vomiting occur. It was a swirling, crazed mass of drink enthusiasts, and hats off to all of them for keeping it classy (as far as I could tell).

~ The “Juniperlooza” event was a gin-lover’s dream, and offered what was to become the most sought-after piece of swag. I saw a miniature black market spring up later that day with people selling those bartender’s toolkits in exchange for cash, event tickets, and sexual favors*.

Just a few samples at the Juniperlooza event

~ One of the best quotes of the week was from Kaiser Penguin's Rick Stutz: “It’s not a guilty pleasure to like the Smiths. It is if you like LaBouche.”

~ Even at 9 in the morning, New Orleans can get pretty freaking hot.

~ The Hotel Monteleone has a really great rooftop pool & bar, but I somehow never managed to get to it. This was a gross oversight, especially considering I’m usually dressed like I’m going to the pool even when there isn’t one nearby. I won’t let it happen again next year.

~ An interesting social experiment: See how long it takes a hotel full of booze nerds to start grousing about elevators that are too few in number and too slow. I think I actually saw someone handing out torches and pitchforks to a mob headed for the management offices.

~ Awards shows are good fun. More so when all the categories are booze-centric.

Searching for a place to eat breakfast Friday morning

~ If you find yourself among a group of people in someone’s hotel room and there is a large collection of opened bottles of alcohol lying around, a good time will likely ensue. If one of the people you are with is a skilled bartender who offers to spontaneously make up drinks using this motley assortment of liquor, take her up on it….you’ll get something pretty tasty.

~ I’m going to do my damnedest to be there again next year. Who’s with me?

* This is not true, but people were really clamoring for them.

Got 5 days to kill in mid-July?

If so, great! You should head to New Orleans for Tales of the Cocktail. If not, change your plans so that you DO have five days to kill, and then head to New Orleans for Tales of the Cocktail.

But regardless of whether you can or can’t make it, you should still regularly visit talesblog.com, a collaborative undertaking that showcases the efforts of over two dozen bloggers who will be attending TotC. These dedicated souls will be posting regularly in the months leading up to the event, as well as during the proceedings, so check in regularly to see lots of booze-themed words and pictures conveniently collected in one place.

And if while attending TotC you should happen to see someone furiously pecking away at a laptop*, there’s a good chance it’ll be one of talesblog.com’s contributors. Feel free to provide that person with a drink- They’re working hard for you.



*Except for me. I don’t own a laptop, so I’ll be the dork with the sketchbook.