What I've Learned (Bartending Edition Pts. 3 & 4)

Here we go again with some random knowledge I’ve accumulated over the last couple years of throwing booze at people. Please enjoy responsibly.

 What I’ve Learned in My Third and Fourth Year of Bartending

~ A customer wearing too much perfume/cologne is a circle of Hell that Dante forgot to mention.

~ In a pinch, a wire coat hanger makes a great sink snake.

 ~ It’s fun to use smoke, foam, lasers, liquid nitrogen, gene splicing, etc., to make a drink. But make sure it tastes good.

~ You will never have to buy sunglasses. Customers will constantly leave them behind and never come back for them.

 ~ You will never have to buy t-shirts (assuming you’re OK with all of your t-shirts having liquor brand logos on them)

 ~ If the first thing you give a customer is the menu, he will ask for water. If the first thing you give a customer is water, he will ask for the menu.

~ A first date is one of the most entertaining/uncomfortable things you will ever witness.

~ Having the walk-in on a different floor from the bar is a huge pain in the ass (and legs, and back).

~ Customers will frequently ask, “What’s your best drink?” The best drink is whichever one you like best.

~ You will always have one-dollar bills in your wallet.

~ Some customers must know who the owner is. It will be the first question they ask. Apparently it is important information.

~ On that note: If you are over 40 and behind the bar, people will assume you are the owner.

~ A hand-picked playlist beats Pandora every time.

~ Some customers are clearly insane. Not drunk. Not high. Insane.

~ Speaking of insane, sometimes a customer will pay their tab entirely in dollar coins.

~ Nobody expects the guy in the Hawaiian shirt to say his favorite drink is a Martini.

~ Speaking of Hawaiian shirts: If you wear them frequently, customers will give them to you as gifts.

~ If you find two or three strangers spontaneously striking up a conversation with each other, that’s usually a good sign. You probably did something right, vibe-wise.

~ If you’re someone who thinks it’s acceptable to touch your server, bartender, etc., stop it. Unless that person is on fire or about to walk into a swarm of bees, there is no reason you ever need to touch a member of the staff.

~ You don’t realize how much you need a barback until you don’t have one.

~ Somewhere along the way, ranch dressing became a punch line.

~ There is no question from a customer you will come to hate more than “What do you recommend?”

~ Most people still have no idea what absinthe is all about (how it’s made, how you prepare it, how you drink it.)

~ If you are running low on ingredients for a particular drink, that drink will be the night’s big seller.

~ Likewise, if you are running low on beer glasses, everybody will want to order beer. If you are running low on wine glasses, everybody will be ordering wine. You get the picture.

~ If you suspect your dishwasher smokes weed, he probably does.

~ Actually, I’m certain your dishwasher smokes weed.

~ You know what? The whole staff probably smokes weed.

~ Does social media bring in customers? Maybe. Does word-of-mouth bring in customers? Always.

~ If a customer says to their bartender or server, “Don’t worry, I’m gonna take good care of you”, that person invariably leaves a lousy tip.

~ If there’s a part of the floor behind the bar that is not covered by a mat, that’s precisely where you’ll drop (and break) a bottle.

~ Visiting other bartenders at their workplace is fun, but make a point of getting together when nobody is working. It’s good to hang out somewhere neutral where everyone is relaxed.

~ There are restaurant reviewers who are skilled, knowledgeable, conscientious and inquisitive. There are also restaurant reviewers who are none of those things. It doesn’t take long to figure out who is who.

~ Unlimited olives!

~ Whatever type of drink you don’t happen to currently be featuring in your Happy Hour specials is precisely the one that customers will want (and will complain about you overlooking).

~ It’s obvious a lot of liquor brands don’t design their bottle sizes & shapes with bartenders in mind. In fact, some seem to go out of their way to create the most difficult-to-use configurations they can imagine.

~ A surprising number of people will have several rounds in a bar while having no idea what the name of the place is or what street they’re on.

~ If the temperature in the bar seems fine to you, a customer will immediately complain about it.

~ If your bar has lamps on it, customers will screw around with them. They can’t help themselves. Apparently, turning a light on and off repeatedly is very satisfying.

~ If your bar has a piano in it, customers will screw around with it. They can’t help themselves. Apparently, pounding on a musical instrument when you don’t know how to play it is very satisfying.

~ If you keep your tools, bitters, garnishes, etc., within reach of customers, they will screw around with them. They can’t help themselves. Apparently fondling fruit and examining tiny bottles is very satisfying.

~ What I’m saying is that a lot of grownups behave just like toddlers when they’re at a bar.     

~ There are people who place a stack of bills on the table, inform their server that it’s their tip, and every time the server does something “wrong”, they’ll remove a portion of it. If you’re one of those people, stay home.

~ If someone orders a pisco sour, that person just got back from a trip to South America.

~ If someone orders a caipirinha , that person just saw a TV show about South America.

~ When you are making drinks or cooking at home, you will find yourself reaching for the bar towel you usually have hanging from your belt when you’re at work. It may not be there. This phenomenon is referred to as “phantom butt-rag.”

~ If a customer asks what nights you work, you probably showed them a good time.

~ You will destroy an unbelievable amount of socks.    

What I've Learned (Bartending Edition Pt. 2)

It's time again for my annual laundry list of stuff I've learned over the past year. Hopefully I'm a little wiser than I was 12 months ago, but you never can tell...all that alcohol probably impaired something.

What I've Learned In Two Years Of Bartending
 

~ In most cases, people want a drink, not a dissertation.

~ If you wear a Hawaiian shirt, people will comment on it (especially in Winter).

~ The last 15 minutes before you open is often a frenzy of getting everything in place and nailed down before people start arriving. This is when your beer rep will show up unannounced and want to talk at length about all the great new stuff he’s got.

~ People will react with genuine bewilderment and anger when you inform them you don’t have any flavored vodka.

~ People will react with genuine bewilderment and anger when you inform them you don’t have Bud Light.

~ When lighting stuff on fire, go with matches rather than a lighter. It looks classier, and your co-workers who smoke probably already stole your lighter anyway.

~ If you work at a fancy-schmancy bar, get your clothes at thrift stores. You can get dress shirts for four bucks, and ties for two. It makes no sense to wear expensive stuff that’s going to get splattered with all manner of crud the first time you wear it.

~ The customer is not always right. But the customer does come first.

~ Don’t bad-mouth other bars/restaurants or your colleagues who work there. The hospitality industry is a much smaller community than you think, and they will hear about it.

~ You will be asked on a nightly basis what your favorite drink is. (Mine happens to be a Martini, but that’s rarely the answer they’re looking for)

~ You will also be asked on a nightly basis to recommend a drink. You can be passive-aggressive, suggest something lousy, and possibly lose a customer. Or you could sincerely point someone to a drink they’ll like and help them have a nice night. Hopefully you’ll make the right choice.

~ Some of the best food you will ever eat will be consumed while sitting on a milk crate next to a dumpster.

~ When your boss says something like, “There’s a VIP at seat 13”, that person is usually a low-level politician, local TV news personality, or someone else who will show up once and never return. Your real VIPs are the people who come in on a regular basis, appreciate what you have to offer, and put money in your pocket.

~ There are a lot of bartenders who want to be chefs…and vice-versa.

~ If a customer asks your name when they first sit down, it means they want to be able to get your attention immediately when they want something. If they ask your name as they’re leaving, it means they enjoyed their time with you and plan on coming back.

~ People will make out aggressively in comfy lounge chairs if you provide them. They will also make out aggressively on barstools. Or in hallways. Anywhere, really.

~ Single-digit temperatures will not deter people from going to a bar for a cold drink. Brutally high temperatures will not deter people from eating hot food on a sun-blasted patio.

~ Bring your own first-aid kit to work with you (mine is just an Altoids tin full of Band-Aids, gauze, and a roll of electrical tape). Your employer’s kit may not be stocked properly and/or not where it’s supposed to be. Running all over the back-of-house trying to find medical supplies while vigorously bleeding is not fun.

~ Right around the time you have all the drink recipes memorized, they’ll change the menu.

~ Right around the time you learn where all the bottles are, they’ll rearrange the back bar.

~ People say things to servers that they would never dream of saying to bartenders. If you are someone who does this, understand that behaving badly and abusing the staff (regardless of their position or duties) doesn’t make you important. It makes you a jerk.

~ Co-workers, customers, vendors, etc., will always congregate at the one narrow opening that is the only way in & out from behind the bar.

~ Sexual harassment. It’s real, and you can be fired for it.

~ If the first words out of a customer’s mouth are, “What’s on special?” that person doesn’t really care what he/she drinks. They’re just looking for the cheapest buzz.

~ People will tell you they can’t get a decent Martini in most bars. Don’t be one of those bars.

~ Sweetness is the hardest thing to calibrate in a cocktail. You can give what you consider a wonderfully balanced drink to three people, and one will say it’s too sweet, one will say it’s not sweet enough, and one will say it’s just right.

~ The same customer can be a complete SOB one night and perfectly cool another night.

~ If you slap a sprig of mint anywhere in view of customers, someone will yell, "Spank it! Spank that mint!” (Guaranteed. This is the “Freebird!” of bartending.)

~ Many customers love to be guinea pigs for new recipes you’re working on. If you’re playing around with a new drink concept, let some of your more adventurous patrons give it a taste and offer feedback. Most people enjoy being part of the creative process.

~ If you’re using your phone, I’m waiting on someone else.

~ It’s tough to get to know dishwashers (the people, not the machines). They come and go pretty quickly.

~ During pre-shift hours, co-workers will use the bar as an office, lunch counter, makeshift kitchen, etc. This means computers, phones, restaurant supplies, half-eaten meals, and miscellaneous projects will be strewn the length of the bar right up until the first customer walks in.

~ People really love big hunks of hand-cut ice in their drinks. Make them if you can reasonably manage it.

~ You’re either a Fernet Branca person or a Jägermeister person.

~ Many people are deathly afraid of beer that has significant color or flavor (I’ve been aware of this for years, but it still surprises me how often people will choose the least interesting beer in the lineup).

~ If someone famous comes into your place, it will invariably be on a night you aren’t working.

~ Giving someone their first properly-made Old-Fashioned is incredibly rewarding.

~ You don’t have to like all your customers. You just need to be as professional as possible with the ones you don’t like.*

~ Just when you’ve managed to get the atmosphere in the bar perfectly set, your boss will begin fiddling with the lights and cranking up the music.

~ Cambros are not watertight. If you have to move large quantities of liquid via plane, train, automobile, etc., bear this in mind or be prepared for a trunkful of grenadine.

~ Just because someone is a bartender doesn’t mean they know how to drink.

~ People will order a drink just because it has egg white in it. People will not order a drink just because it has egg white in it.

~ It’s difficult to describe the subtle pleasure of working in a bar with no TVs.

~ Ordering a Martini or Manhattan on the rocks is incomprehensible to me.

~ Some nights it’s just one big game of Whack-A-Mole.




*Unless that person proves to be an irredeemable asshole. Then you should professionally get them out of your bar.

What I've Learned (Bartending Edition)

This is normally the time of year when I rip off pay tribute to my favorite Esquire feature and check in with my list of things I learned while blogging about booze the previous year. Unfortunately, these past 12 months I've done very little blogging, but I have spent a bit of time behind the bar (a story for another time), and I picked up a few things.

One of the first things I realized is that it's virtually impossible to bartend several nights a week and not learn something. Matt Robold pointed this out a while ago, and it still holds true. Spend a few nights swapping money for booze and your eyes will be opened in ways they never would have if you frequent bars only as a customer.

And so we have...

What I've Learned in One Year of Bartending

~ If the bar is completely prepped by opening time, no one will come in the place for 20 minutes. But if you're scrambling like mad to get set up, there will be 14 people outside the door waiting for you to open.

~ As tempting (and entertaining) as it may be, don't get carried away profiling your customers. You'd be surprised how often the lady orders whiskey on the rocks and the guy gets a chardonnay.

~ That being said, it's a safe bet the guy with the full beard, plaid shirt and Buddy Holly glasses will order the most obscure craft beer you have.

~ Telling me to "make it strong" when you order a drink guarantees I won't put a single drop more alcohol in it than the recipe requires.

~ Likewise, if you ask me to "go light on the ice", that doesn't mean I'm going to fill the extra space with more booze. If you want a double, order a double.

~ Shockingly smart people with a diverse array of talents and skills work in bars and restaurants. Don't assume that your server, bartender, etc., is working there because they're too dumb or incompetent to find employment elsewhere. (I knew this a long time ago, but it needs to be restated. Often.)

~If you're lucky enough to have a barback, don't mistreat him/her. That person is doing a thankless, unglamorous job in order to help you do yours better. Also, it makes you look like a tyrannical jackass.

~ People who have never bartended have no idea how much of the job is moving stuff from point "A" to point "B". And then moving it back again.

~ Some people go to bars purely because they want attention. The fact that they can buy food and drink there is incidental. What they really need is someone to fuss over them. This doesn't make them bad people. It's just possible that interacting with their bartender may be the only pleasant, gratifying human contact they can count on.

~ However, some of these same customers will be self-important, unreasonably demanding high-maintenance pains in the neck. Summon as much politeness and professionalism as possible and weather them the best you can.

~ On the other end of the spectrum are people who want virtually no interaction at all. They're pretty easy to spot, so give 'em their drinks, stay out of their face, and don't take it personally.

~ If you work at a bar that boasts a list of almost 200 tequilas, you will be asked at least once a night which one is your favorite. It's a good idea to have several favorites.

~ The strangest drink anyone asked me to make was a mojito with scotch instead of rum. It wasn't great. But it didn't taste as bad as you'd think.

~ When it's time to settle up, the people who initially wanted separate checks will now tell you to put it all together, and the people who said they were fine with everything on one check will now want you to split it.

~ I never realized how many people are afraid of rum.

~ If you want a drink to sell, incorporate "berry" into its name somehow.

~ People will ask you to make up drinks on the spot. Try to accommodate them if possible, within reason (Rest assured someone will ask you to improvise a drink when you are completely slammed, so your ability to do so may depend on circumstances).

~ Speaking of which, there are nights when you will be swamped. A raw, undiluted panic may wash over you, but remember: It's just drinks. You are not trying to re-attach someone's leg or land a crippled 747.

~ That being said, take care of your guests to the best of your abilities. I've found that most people are patient and forgiving, provided you acknowledge them. They may not get their drinks for a bit, but at least they know they're not being ignored. Also, a simple apology for the wait goes a long, long way.

~ If you dispense a drink ingredient (no matter how ordinary) from an eyedropper, at least one customer will exclaim, "Whoa! Mad scientist stuff!"

~ The best beer is often the worst seller.

~ Milk crates are the bartender's best friend.

~ Plastic quart containers are the bartender's other best friend.

~ Finding out several of my fellow bartenders also disliked Fernet Branca was a true bonding experience.

~ It's heartening to see so many people buying locally-made beer and spirits.

~ If you make 50 great-looking drinks and one not-so-great-looking one, that's the one someone will take a picture of.

~ Always have a roll of duct tape within easy reach. It's the only thing that will hold band-aids, gauze, finger cots, etc. on your hands while working. It's pretty good for fixing other stuff too.

~ While we're on the topic, you will bloody your hands and fingers on a regular basis. The upside to this is that combining wounds with citrus juice is better than a cup of coffee for keeping you awake and alert during your shift.

~ If you serve wine, carry a wine key with you. If you serve bottled beer, carry a bottle opener with you. If there's anything you use on a semi-regular basis, keep it in your pocket if possible. Don't assume whatever you need will be conveniently lying nearby when you need it. People and things move around rapidly behind a bar, and stuff disappears in a heartbeat.

~ People leave their credit cards behind with startling frequency.

~ Get to know other bartenders, especially ones who have been at it longer than you have. Talk to them whenever possible. You'll learn things.

~ Use your head when it comes to your feet. When bartending, you will be standing/walking almost the entire duration of your shift. Also, bar floors are covered with liquid, food, bits of broken glass, etc. Ideally, you want footwear that has a good combination of comfort, durability, and traction.

~ Sometimes doing or not doing a very small thing can make someone's else job a whole lot easier. (this applies to many jobs, but reaps immediate, tangible rewards in a bar or restaurant).

~ Be able (and willing) to make mocktails. When you spend a lot of time in a bar it's easy to forget that not everybody drinks.

~ When in doubt, Jameson's.

What I've Learned: Year Five

It looks like another year has slipped by while I was busy killing brain cells and writing about it here. However, the cells that remain managed to hold onto a few things, which I present below in convenient list format...

What I've Learned in my Fifth Year of Boozeblogging

~ Bartending is really peopletending.

~ I don't particularly care which celebrity was spotted drinking a particular brand of vodka on some red carpet somewhere...but it's nice of all those liquor brand reps to email me about it anyway.

~ If you see a bottle of Chartreuse in a bar, rest assured that at least a third of it will be consumed by the staff.

~ Stuff like Twitter and Facebook are a fun way to keep in touch, but hanging out with your booze nerd buddies in person beats it hands down. (I actually learned this several years ago, but it bears repeating)

~ I drink Red Stag the way Cookie Monster eats cookies.

~ You can make a shot luge out of tofu.

~ If you set up a makeshift office in the Hotel Monteleone lobby, passersby will give you free samples of liquor. (Note: this may only apply during Tales of the Cocktail)

~ There is a real old-school thrill to buying locally-brewed beer in returnable bottles.

~ When people discover you write about cocktails, they will do things like describe in only the vaguest terms a drink they once had in 1994 at a dive bar in rural Ohio and expect you to immediately tell them its name and complete ingredient list.

~ People sitting three feet away from of a row of taps will ask, "What do you have on draft?"

~ Martin Cate recently commented that he doesn't drink out of pineapples at home ... but I'm not sure I believe him.

~ There is no shame in being on a first-name basis with the staff at your local liquor store.

~ Likewise, there is no shame in your 4-year-old son being on a first-name basis with the staff at your local liquor store.

~ How many bitters do I need? ALL OF THEM.

~ Rumors of the PLCB's imminent demise emerge every few years like clockwork. I'm not holding my breath.

~ Pittsburgh's cocktail scene continues to thrive and expand. If you claim there is nowhere to get a good drink in the 'Burgh, you simply aren't looking.

~ Still no consensus on how "orgeat" is pronounced.

~ I told a person from Australia where the good bars in Seattle and Portland are. I've never met the Australian person, and I've never been to Portland or Seattle. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that the internet was designed to help people drink more efficiently.

~ It appears not nearly as many people hate gin as they did five years ago.

~ Amari are the booze nerd equivalent of Pokémon.

~ You can never go wrong packaging alcohol in a skull-shaped container.

~ When I make them for myself, I violate almost every rule regarding the proper construction of a Martini.

~ If you own an ice crusher, it's a pretty good bet we can be pals.

~ It's not a bad deal having both a vodka and a whiskey distillery a short drive from your home.

~ For the fifth year running, I have to say that my fellow boozebloggers are some of the most friendly, generous, and all-around fun people I know. There's a hell of a lot more of them now than there were 5 years ago, and I hope they'll all still be around next year.

What I've Learned: Year Four

Looking at my calendar, I realized that February had come and gone, which means I've been blogging about cocktails, booze, and other related subjects for 4 years. If boozeblogging operated like high school or college, it's possible I'd be graduating now. But since this sort of thing appears to have no fixed endpoint, I suppose I'll keep at it.

What I've Learned in my Fourth Year of Boozeblogging

~ The number of people I know who celebrate Repeal Day is almost equal to those I know who celebrate Christmas.

~ Putting cinnamon sticks in a nut grinder will result in poorly processed cinnamon and a broken nut grinder.

~ One of the great pleasures of boozeblogging is stumping spellcheck on a regular basis.

~ Apparently absinthe was a fad...and it's over. (Translation: Someone outside of Manhattan is now aware of it).

~ If someone offers you the chance to bartend at an actual bar, take it. Regardless of whether you enjoyed the experience or not, you will realize that making drinks at home and tending a bar are very different things.

~ Speaking of which, bartending is hard work. If you are at a bar, don't provide your bartender with unnecessary grief. Wait your turn, use your inside voice, and keep your hands to yourself. ..Y'know, the same stuff you should've learned in preschool.

~ Oh, and tip, you cheap bastard.

~ If you ever wanted to constantly know what, where and when all your friends are drinking, join Facebook and Twitter.

~ Buying eleven bottles of apfelkorn in one go is worth it just for the look of disapproval/puzzlement on the clerk's face. *

~ One of the great unexpected benefits of boozeblogging is getting pen pals from around the world. If you had asked me four years ago if I thought I'd have friends in places like Sweden, Brazil, Australia and the UK because of a cocktail blog, I never would have imagined it.

~ I would rather have a lousy drink in good company than the other way around.

~ Compared to a few years back, there are a ton of cocktail-centric events happening all year long. I wish I had the time and money to attend more of them. (Note to self: Get more time and money)

~ Cocktail geeks will begin making and selling their own drink ingredients if they feel the market is not meeting their needs.

~ I have no idea what oleo-saccharum is, but I keep seeing it mentioned, so I guess I'm gonna have to go find out.

~ Mail that sloshes and gurgles will brighten almost any day.

~ Tiki-style drinking has clearly expanded beyond a small cadre of nerds in Hawaiian shirts trying to decipher decades-old recipes. Skilled, conscientious bartenders are evangelizing good tiki drinks all over the place, so let's enjoy them while we can.

~ I continue to be amazed at how poorly some liquor brand reps handle their outreach to the cocktail writing community. Many brand reps do an admirable job promoting their product(s), but a troublingly high number still conduct their business in a lazy and clueless fashion. Here's a tip: The speed at which I delete your press release is roughly equivalent to the time you spent crafting it and bothering to find out who you're sending it to.

~ If somebody opens up a place near you with a cocktail program comprised of all-original drinks that use homemade and seasonal ingredients, you should go there.

~ Likewise, if such a place has a guest bartender from another city stop in for a night, make a point of dropping in for a drink and meeting that person. I guarantee you'll learn something.

~ Unexpectedly finding a set of actual old-fashioned-sized old-fashioned glasses is a real treat. Thanks, Target!

~ This is the fourth year in a row I'm mentioning it, but it bears repeating: My fellow boozebloggers remain an inordinately friendly, supportive, and generous bunch. Both in person and online, virtually every one of them I've had the pleasure to know has been gracious and positive, and I'm looking forward to another year in their company.




*It was at a ridiculously cheap closeout price. What was I supposed to do...just leave it there?

What I've Learned: Year Three

It's February again, which means another year of this nonsense has come and gone. But time doesn't pass without leaving a little residue on the ol' gray matter, so here's...

What I've Learned in my Third Year of Boozeblogging



~ Some spiced rums are very good, some are downright awful, and a lot are in between. Proceed with caution.

~ Living in a warm, sunny region is undoubtedly pleasant, but I really like being able to reach out the back door and chill my gin in a snowbank.

~ People representing liquor brands frequently contact me hoping I'll be interested their product(s). Some will send mass emails describing how awesome their stuff is and telling me why I should like it. Others will mail me a bottle. Guess which approach works.

~ Buy limes & lemons in bulk. It's cheaper, and you're less likely to be out of them at that crucial moment when your friend unexpectedly switches from white wine to Mai Tais.

~ My love affair with rye continues unabated. Hey, if it's good enough for the World's Toughest Milkman, it's good enough for me.

~ Watching sheer panic unfold during the Great Angostura Drought of '09 was hilarious (mainly because I had a full bottle)

~ There is no shame in buying a nut grinder solely to make orgeat with.

~ I fully realize I'm in the minority here, but I garnish my drinks at home. Even when no one is looking. I can't help it- it's part of the experience.

~ No matter how many ways it's described to me in glowing terms, I just can't embrace infusing booze with meat. However, I find the idea of snake wine strangely appealing.

~ My freezer now contains ice in cube, ball, small hemisphere, irregularly faceted, and sometimes cylindrical forms. Don't judge me.

~ Speaking of ice balls, find a way to make some at home. Regardless of whatever method you choose (like this one, this one, or this one), making them is fun as hell and they work great.

~ It is amazing how people who claim to not like whiskey will warm up to a correctly-made Old-Fashioned.

~ If you are offered the chance to judge a cocktail competition, do it. You will taste some great drinks, see some nifty bartending techniques and meet some very nice people. It will also force you to really think about what makes a good cocktail.

~ You can never have too many bitters.

~ There is considerable overlap between the foodie and booze nerd communities. No offense to the gourmands, but if I've got fifty bucks to spend on food & booze, I'm dropping two dollars at Taco Bell and the rest goes to the liquor store.* I'm going to get a lot more mileage from a bottle of Chartreuse than a fancy dinner.

~ Booze storage seems to follow a natural progression. I started with a liquor cabinet. Then it became a liquor closet. I now have a free-standing shelving unit in my basement. I'm guessing in the next year or two I'll be building a shed.

~ It is impossible to be morose if you are drinking from a tiki mug.

~ The reason I know what "Herkimer diamonds" are is directly attributable to my interest in cocktails. I'm still unsure if this is good or bad.

~ There are a lot of problems that can be remedied simply by judiciously applying Havana Club Barrel Proof.

~ As I pointed out in the last two installments of What I've Learned, the booze geek community remains a friendly, generous and encouraging collection of people. Most are wickedly knowledgeable, many are wonderfully off-kilter, and more than a few are genuinely inspiring. They all need to keep up the good work.




*This is obviously an exaggeration. I'd probably spend only about a buck twenty-five at Taco Bell.

What I've Learned: Year Two

Around this time last year I did a retrospective-ish list of stuff I'd learned during my first year of using the web to foist my booze-centric thoughts and pictures on an unwitting public. I figure if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

What I’ve Learned in my Second Year of Boozeblogging

~ Make your own syrups. It’s easier than you think and totally worth it.

~ I’m still surprised (and pleased) when people leave comments- especially people I don’t know personally. I just assume the only people who visit this site are the same seven booze nerds.

~ I like to use unpopular ingredients. I take it as a personal challenge to find some way to make them work in a drink. The more hopeless an ingredient appears, the stronger my compulsion to use it. Sick, I know.

~ Tovolo ice cube trays are a great investment. Please disregard the people who claim they are difficult to use. Yes, it takes *slightly* more time to remove the cubes than from a rigid plastic tray, but c’mon folks- anything worthwhile requires a little effort.

~ The first rule of Fight Club Liquors is: do not talk about Fight Club Liquors.

~ Even though Thursday Drink Night is big-time fun by yourself, it’s even more so if you can get several booze nerds in the same place for it. Not only does it help distribute the workload, but the conversation is priceless.

~ Apparently if you live in Sweden you have access to an unholy variety of rum.

~ Since starting this site 2 years ago, I’ve been asked to do the same sort of thing I do here for a magazine and a newsletter. I certainly appreciate the opportunities, but now I’m gripped by the question of whether people like articles about booze better when they’re accompanied by a cartoon…or whether they like cartoons better when accompanied by an article about booze.

~ A good channel knife makes all the difference

~ Boozeblogging may cause bottles of liquor to show up frequently and unexpectedly at your front door. I now know my UPS man very well.

~ Various vintages of Mr. Boston’s bar guides can be found for pennies at flea markets and similar venues. Even if you don’t like the recipes, they’re a great way to get a sense of drinking trends throughout the years.

~ I had a Bloody Mary in New Orleans that was so good I want to go back almost solely to have another one.

~ Some brand reps at trade shows are great and some are awful. For every friendly, knowledgeable outgoing rep there seems to be one who could care less. Hint: If you want me to be interested in your product, then YOU should appear to be interested in your product. If you ‘re trying to promote your stuff with no information whatsoever and are clearly unable (or unwilling) to answer even rudimentary questions, then you’re not really putting your best foot forward. And behaving as though you’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else and not even having a business card isn’t going to leave me with a terribly positive view of your product.

~ Steel juicers are better than cast aluminum ones.

~ If you’re a drink geek, you owe it to yourself to attend Tales of the Cocktail. If nothing else, you’ll meet several other people who are just as concerned about the coarseness of their crushed ice as you are.

~ This time last year, I characterized my fellow boozebloggers as unbelievably friendly, generous and encouraging. They continue to be exactly those things, and having met many of them in person since then, I’m glad to know them. I hope they’ll all still be here this time next year.

~ It would be a hell of a lot easier if I just took photos of the drinks.

What I've Learned

Last month I looked at the calendar and realized that I started this blog a year ago. I remember thinking that the absolute last thing I was going to do was one of those “Happy Birthday/anniversary”-type posts.

But then I changed my mind. I do that.

What prompted me was a regular feature that Esquire magazine does called “What I’ve Learned”. It’s my favorite part of the magazine*, and for those who haven’t seen it, the magazine asks a notable personality to provide whatever observations on life they feel are worthwhile. Here's a good one.

Never one to shy away from freely spouting my own crackpot take on things, I decided it was high time to jump in myself:



~~~ What I’ve Learned in OneYear of Boozeblogging~~~



~ The boozeblogging/online cocktail community is comprised of unbelievably friendly, generous, and encouraging people. Although I’ve yet to meet any of them in person, I’ve had many fun & informative exchanges via email and comments, and everyone I’ve gotten to know has been very kind. Interacting with my fellow drink geeks is a big reason why I continue to be enthusiastic about learning as much as I can about cocktails.

~ Starting a blog when you’re expecting your first child may not have been the brightest thing to do from a frequency-of-posting standpoint.

~ Pennsylvania has got to be one of the lousiest places in the entire country to buy booze. I knew this prior to starting my blog, but I didn’t fully realize just how maddening it can be until I attempted to try to lay hands on some slightly-off-the-beaten-path drink ingredients.

Rather than going into a full-bore rant, I’ll direct interested readers to this article, which does a pretty good job of providing a glimpse into the lunacy that is PA’s liquor sales system. This one is good as well. (Thanks to Cynthia for bringing these articles to my attention)

~ There is no substitute for fresh squeezed juice.

~ A year ago I hadn’t the faintest idea what the hell Falernum, Orgeat, or Pimento Dram were. Not only did I learn, but I now know people who actually make their own from scratch.

~ Don’t fear the brown! ’07 was the year I really embraced whisk(e)y. My mother-in-law turned me onto Scotch, and I discovered I really, really like rye. And though my taste for Bourbon has been spotty over the years, I recently ran across a few that I’d knock small children aside to get at (I’m talkin’ about you, 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle!).

~ Oregon apparently has a disproportionate amount of skilled and talented bartenders. While they are indisputably nifty as individuals, they recently decided to increase their prowess by several levels of magnitude and become collectively awesome.

~ People can get excited about bitters. Really excited.

~ I am now unable to go past any used book store without stopping in to forage for old bar guides.

~When properly made, tiki drinks are fantastic. They’re definitely worth the time and trouble

~ On recycling day, all my neighbors’ bins empty out with a series of dull thuds. Mine sounds like an avalanche in a chandelier store.

~ People who enjoy making quality drinks also tend to be damn fine photographers. Like this guy, this gal, and this guy, just to name a few.

~ I own an antique lime squeezer and not one, but two manual ice crushers. People will give you these things once they become aware of your interest in cocktails.

~ Even though I knew this before starting a blog, I have an incredibly loving, patient, and understanding wife. Aside from allowing my bottles & barware to take up an inordinate amount of space in the house, she also is willing to try all the recipes (no matter how odd) I scrounge up.

And if that wasn’t enough knowledge & wisdom for you, Gabriel over at Cocktailnerd recently posted a fun and educational list that highlights the things he learned about crafting cocktails during a lengthy power outage. Print it out and store it with your extra batteries and candles!

*Apologies to Mr. Wondrich